Sunday, November 25, 2007

Let It Go


"yousha"--Kanji character for FORGIVENESS



To be honest, I used to think forgiveness was a big fat crock with my main mantra being: ____screwed-me-over so why the hell should I forgive them?!? Or ___doesn't deserve my forgiveness! As you can tell, I was one to hold a mean grudge. And the whole while I carried around this enormous burden, I somehow convinced myself that they were the ones truly suffering from my inability to let go. Oh, how anger makes you blind...

What I eventually realized was that it was just easier to hate the person. As I followed my faulty reasoning, I didn't have to actually spend the time or emotional energy resolving the issues underlying my anger. I believed that life would just carry on in its merry little way without me ever having to confront any of these feelings.

Believe it or not, this stubborn rationale was actually working out for me until I finally got a big-time wake-up call...

And that's when the cancer hit. Not me, but my supposed foe. The whole picture started to change. Why was I angry again? Was it even worthwhile? Why did I wait until this person was on his deathbed before I even considered any of this? There was only one thing left to do...

When we finally made our peace, it became one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. It wasn't about me backing down and surrendering my conviction, or even absolving him of any wrong doing. As I forgave him, I simply put all of the hate and animosity to rest. I just let it go. Because in the end, there just isn't enough time. And sometimes you just have to learn these lessons the hard way...

6 comments:

Black_Mamba said...

Hey CC, lol... I had to invent a nickname of sorts as Canuck Chick is way too long for a 'typing imbecile' such as myself. So is Bamboo Blitz, and I'm keeping mum about your name :)

Anyhoo, you summed up forgiveness quite perfectly. What more can I say. It takes an amazing lady to be able to get to that point. I'm proud of you :)

karloff said...

Perspective can be a funny thing. This is still a lesson I struggle with.

--Bamboo Blitz-- said...

Ivy, ha ha! Thanks for keeping my annonymity under wraps! I really appreciate your heartfelt comment...It was a crazy and challenging learning experience but I'm glad i did get something out of it...

Karloff, you're not alone because it's definitely an ongoing process for me too. If this particular situation didn't turn out to be so dramatic, I probably wouldn't have changed my perspective on things the way I did...

Black_Mamba said...

Hello CC :)
Care for yet another game of 'tag'?
http://blackbaies.blogspot.com/2007/11/kismet.html
So sorry, I love 'tagging' you lol.......

ZenDenizen said...

Great post, glad you made peace with that person. I had my own struggle with forgiveness earlier this year:

http://zen-denizen.blogspot.com/2007/08/f-word.html

--Bamboo Blitz-- said...

Hey Zen...

I know, it was really difficult for me to free myself of all the anger since I had carried that around for a long time. It definitely was like a struggle...

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