"yousha"--Kanji character for FORGIVENESS
To be honest, I used to think forgiveness was a big fat crock with my main mantra being: ____screwed-me-over so why the hell should I forgive them?!? Or ___doesn't deserve my forgiveness! As you can tell, I was one to hold a mean grudge. And the whole while I carried around this enormous burden, I somehow convinced myself that they were the ones truly suffering from my inability to let go. Oh, how anger makes you blind...
What I eventually realized was that it was just easier to hate the person. As I followed my faulty reasoning, I didn't have to actually spend the time or emotional energy resolving the issues underlying my anger. I believed that life would just carry on in its merry little way without me ever having to confront any of these feelings.
Believe it or not, this stubborn rationale was actually working out for me until I finally got a big-time wake-up call...
And that's when the cancer hit. Not me, but my supposed foe. The whole picture started to change. Why was I angry again? Was it even worthwhile? Why did I wait until this person was on his deathbed before I even considered any of this? There was only one thing left to do...
When we finally made our peace, it became one of the most cathartic experiences of my life. It wasn't about me backing down and surrendering my conviction, or even absolving him of any wrong doing. As I forgave him, I simply put all of the hate and animosity to rest. I just let it go. Because in the end, there just isn't enough time. And sometimes you just have to learn these lessons the hard way...
